Request - Bad Touch Toddlers
by DemonWolf37
Summary: The BTT have been turned into babies and Germany has to look after them until the spell wears off. Rated T for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Bad Touch Toddlers

**((Short prologue is short... Chapters will be longer than this.))**

"FRANCIS!" the currently pant-less* Brit shouted, "You and your bloody gang of hooligans had better not be behind this!"

France and his "bloody gang of hooligans," (AKA, the Bad Touch Trio,) were, in fact, behind this. The BTT were a bit infamous for pranks such as these, and with both France and Spain in the group, England tended to be the trio's primary target for the majority of their pranks.

"That bloody frog..." England grumbled as he pulled out his phone and dialled France's number. It only took one ring for the Frenchman to pick up.

"Oui?"

"Francis, return here this instant and return the things you stole from me!"

"Oh, Angleterre, your home was broken into? How terrible! What did they steal?"

"Don't you dare play dumb with me, frog! Bring them back this instant, or I swear I'll turn you into a toad again!"

"How uncreative of you, mon cher. However, sadly I have no clue as to what you could be referring to. But if you're so insistent on my coming over, I'll be more than happy to-"

"Don't you dare!"

"Mon ami, a moment ago you were practically _begging_ me to come over. No rain checks, I'll be over in five, wear something nice."

"Frog-!" but England was too late as France had already hung up.

England grumbled something obscene under his breath, but he had pretty much expected this to happen. He'd already prepared countermeasures as well. The next person who walked through that door was going to get it. And since the frog had called him 'uncreative,' he was going to make sure that whatever the effect was, it would be randomly selected from spells that England had never preformed on the frog! How's that for uncreative!

England disappeared into his basement again to gather some canis root ashes- the final touch on the spell. England had about five minutes- which should be plenty of time to-

"Mon cher!" France said, entering England's home four minutes early, camera in hand, "I hope you don't mind but I brought Spain and Prussia along as well! Mon cher? Angleterr-"

_Poof!_

*silence*

*crying*

* British 'pants' not American 'pants.' They stole his underwear. XD


	2. Chapter 2

England jogged up the stairs to the ground floor- a jar of grey ashes in his hands. His spell was finished- he just needed one last touch-

*crash*

England dropped the jar, the glass shattering all over the floor. His arm landed dangerously close to one of the larger shards but he was luckily unharmed. He got up and dusted himself off, looking back to see what he had tripped on. A lamp. An overturned lamp.

"What the bloody-?" England would have to finish his thought later, as there was another crash, coming from elsewhere in the house. Deciding to leave the broken jar alone for now, he went off in search of the cause of the noise.

The noise had sounded like it had come from the front room, so what was-? Oh. _Oh no._ Right next to the door, in the centre of England's magic circle, were three lumps of clothing. The other two were empty, but sitting right in the middle of the blue and red slump of clothing was a baby. A blond-haired, blue-eyed French baby.

"Fuck-" England hissed out as he went to pick the now, maybe, one-year-old Francis, "Well how's that punishment for you, you bloody frog? Now you aren't wearing any pants either, so how's that?"

Francis peed on him. Right in the face. Waving his arms about and giggling as if it were a carnival game.

"You bloody twat! You insufferable bloody wan-" England stopped yelling. Francis was crying. "France?"

Francis let out a scream that would shatter most eardrums.

"You're... an _actual_ baby..." England let this information sink in whilst Francis continued crying, "An _**actual**_ baby... Bloody... Shhhh, Francis, shush," England started bouncing the childized France, trying to quiet him down.

It took a long time, but finally France had quieted down, more or less relaxing in England's arms, reaching to grab the Briton's bushy brows.

"Ow..." England muttered unenthusiastically as the French child actually managed to grasp a handful of his eyebrows.

Now that France had finally settled down, maybe England could- *crash* Francis started crying again. England looked suspiciously at the other two piles of clothing.

"Shite..." he set the crying France down back on his pile of clothes, "Stay here, France."

France screamed in response.

"Shush, I have to find Prussia and Spain before they get into trouble... well..._ more_ trouble..."

England left France alone and went off in search of the other two hooligans. He started walking back towards where the overturned lamp was. Surely one of them had to be somewhere nearby, right?

Sure enough, baby Spain sat in front of it... in the middle of the broken jar... sucking on a large piece of broken glass.

"No, no, no, no!" England rushed over, trying to quickly- yet somehow carefully- pry open Spain's mouth and pull the glass out. But Spain clamped his tiny jaw as soon as he realized what England was after.

"God damn it, let go!" England growled at the tiny child, trying not to just yank the sharp glass from his mouth, "You're going to cut yourself you damn brat!"

And sure enough, Spain spit out the piece of glass in favour of screaming his little lungs out, a bit of blood on his lips.

England picked up the crying child and started walking him back over to where France was still sitting.

"You're God damn lucky you didn't swallow one of those pieces, or you'd _really _be screaming..." England muttered, despite the fact that Spain probably couldn't scream louder if he tried.

England sighed and set down the screaming Spain next to the crying France and went off in search of Prussia.

He must have searched the house three times without any sign of the little albino child. And the house was eerily silent as well...

"Prussia? Pruuuusiiiaaa?" England called out. After a moment's hesitation he called out, "Preußen?" He could have sworn he heard a quiet "kesesese..." coming from the front room.

England's immediate search revealed nothing. France and Spain had more or less quieted down and simply sat there giggling over some baby joke apparently...

England sighed.

"Do _you two_ know where Prussia is?" he asked, silently cursing himself for even thinking to ask them.

They just giggled louder... Shit, maybe they did know.

"And where might he be?" Not even England could tell if he was being sarcastic in his asking or not. Either way, if they actually managed to answer it'd be a miracle.

Spain just giggled while France shook his head. _'Great,' _England thought, _'even when they're bloody tykes they plot against me...'_

"If you tell me where Prussia is," England said, turning to baby Spain, "I'll give you a tomato."

Spain waved his arms around violently... probably an indication of "Give me the fucking tomato."

"Uh-uh-uh, first tell me where Prussia is." Could babies even eat tomatoes? Did England even have tomatoes? I mean you can guess how much cooking he did on his own...

But with the "promise" of tomatoes, Spain quickly complied and pointed. Not to any of the hiding places England had searched, but up.

"Where...?" England looked up, "Oh... oh dear..."

Luckily England had his cell phone on him... he needed to call someone...

"Ja?"

"Germany?"

"Ja."

"Come over, I need your help."

"Help with vhat?"

"It's about your brother..."

"Vhat has Prussia gotten himself into now?"

"He... well... he won't come down from the chandelier..." There was a long silence on the other end... "Germany?"

"Ja... vell, he'll come down eventually, I'm sure."

"That wasn't really my concern..."

"Then vhat is it?"

"I'm worried he'll fall..."

"He'll be fine, believe me. He know how to fall without breaking anything."

"Well... the thing is... Well, long story short, I may have accidentally turned him, France, and Spain into children... Babies, actually..." There was a longer silence on Germany's end.

"And he's on the chandelier?"

"Yes. I don't want to take my eyes off him in case he falls..." _I already let Spain chew on glass..._

"In that case, I'll be over in a little vhile..." Germany promptly hung up and England resumed watching over the three children- Prussia esspecially.


	3. Chapter 3

**((Haha, wow, it's about time I update this, huh? I was supposed to have this finished and edited AGES ago. Hehe. Sorry. Anyway, this should be the last chapter(unless I decide to write a bonus chapter or an epilouge or something later, but I doubt it), and then I can move this to the "Completed" list and get working on the other half a billion stories I have going on right now. XD ))**

Germany grumbled something quietly in annoyance as he approached the old English manor. It was something between "reckless," and "have to get me involved...?" Nonetheless he knocked on the Briton's door loudly and waited to be let in.

Strangely enough, however, no one came to the door. The house seemed completely silent, actually.

Germany knocked on the door again, louder this time. From some ways into the house, came a muffled shout and a thud. After a few moments of consideration, Germany kicked the door open and went in search of the missing Brit and three toddlers.

He wandered down the main hallway, past a mysterious broken jar and some grey ashes, and further into the house. At the end of the hallway was another large room similar to a living area of some sort.

He'd found the kids...

Or at least their handiwork...

And England was a bit tied up in it...

Literally.

"Mmn mm mmna mrrr!" England cried out upon seeing the German. Germany walked up to the bundle of ropes and cords restraining the Brit and slowly untangled the bits of cord restraining his mouth.

"Vhat did you say?"

"I said, 'Get me out of here.' Quickly, if you could," England spat, clearly annoyed at his situation. Germany got to work untangling the various cords and ropes.

"How did you even end up like this?"

England muttered something.

"Hmm?"

"The little buggers are quick..."

"Where'd they get all these cords?"

"They unplugged all the cords from the television... and the VCR... and they somehow got the lamp cord too..."

Now that Germany heard it, he did see a small table lamp attached to the bundle of cords... _two _lamps, actually...

Once Germany had gotten England untied, it was back to looking for the kids. Well... after England put on some trousers... That was long awkward minute after Germany got those bindings off...

Meanwhile, the toddlers were getting themselves into even more trouble. The three of them had pranced their little naked butts into England's infamously dangerous kitchen. Prussia- who had figured out how to walk on his own- led the two crawling infants on a raid into the kitchen. Their first order of business? Knives.

Prussia spotted the shiny objects on top of the counter, and put his new-found climbing skills to good use. First on top of a chair, and then up onto the counter.

France- apparently bored with this heist- wandered off, in search of something more interesting to do.

Prussia, having reached the top of the counter, knocked over the knife holder, causing two of them to clatter onto the counter. He pulled another one out before growing bored of it and tossing it to the floor where it landed dangerously close to Spain- who of course- started to suck on it.

England and Germany heard a scream coming from the kitchen. They raced in to find Spain covering his mouth and pointing to a knife on the ground. England picked him up.

"You're the type of kid that puts everything in his mouth, huh?"

They looked around, Prussia and France were no where to be seen.

"Look after him. I'm going to see if I can find the other two," England said, handing naked baby Spain to Germany.

England jogged around the house, looking for any immediate signs of the kids. He went up to his room on the first(second if you're American) floor and he found France... Reading England's porn.

England face-palmed. Of course. What was he expecting?

"Come here, Francis, why don't you give that to Arthur?" he reached out his hand. France pulled the magazine away.

"NO!" he shouted. So while Prussia had learnt to climb and walk, France taught himself to speak. Or at the very least defy England in every way possible.

"Give that here..." England leaned forward.

"NO!"

"Listen here, you little brat, if you damage that in any way-" Francis ripped out a page and showed it to England.

"BOOBIES!"

Francis handed the torn page to England.

"..."

"Thanks," he muttered, gingerly taking the page.

Back on the ground floor, England deposited France(and the porn book) with Germany and Spain- who was now sucking on a ripe tomato.

"I found this one on first floor. Still no sign of Prussia though. He's got to be in the house somewhere... right?"

"Presumably."

"Either way, keep an eye on these two. They seem... distracted enough, but still."

England went off, once again, in search of Prussia. He scoured the entire house- twice- and there was still no sign of him. He even checked the chandeliers!

He groaned as a thought swept over his mind. _What if the blasted tyke is on the roof?!_ He hoped that he wouldn't have to find a way onto the roof, but he went outside to check anyway.

What he found was not an albino child on the roof(nor a gross puddle of blood NEXT to the roof). Instead, he found Prussia, knife in hand, fighting a rabbit. A _rabbit._ Have you ever seen rabbits fighting? No? Go look it up. It's hilarious.

Anyway, so there Prussia was, wielding a kitchen knife- still in the nude, mind you- charging at a rabbit, who immediately bounced away. Prussia turned around and galloped after him. Again, the rabbit jumped away.

"He's going to trip and slit his bloody throat open..." England muttered. But he had to admit, it was an amusing sight.

Anyway, amusement at children in imminent danger aside, England had to get that knife away from him, and then somehow get him back to Germany... Well, the first thing would be to get that knife away from him...

England approached the toddler, frightening the bunny away(because somehow the child wielding a kitchen knife and charging at it hadn't done so already...). Prussia turned to look at him. England stared back at him. Aaaaaaand, suddenly there was a kitchen knife in his leg.

Prussia charged at him with the knife again, this time England jumped (stepped) out of the way.

"Bloody- Can you _not_ stab me in the leg?"

Prussia charged at him.

"Clearly not. Okay well, I'll be taking that knife then..." England tried to yank the knife from the little Prussian's hands, but he ended up cutting himself on the blade.

"Bloody-! Why do I have such sharp knifes!?"

"BECAUSE YOU NEVER USE THEM!" a (suspiciously American) voice shouted from the next garden over.

Ignoring the voice, England focused again on the child-ized Prussia. If he couldn't take the knife from him, he'd have to just lead him back to Germany... with the knife... Lovely.

So, ever so slowly, England led Prussia back into the house, taking a stab every now and then to keep him coming. Finally he reached the kitchen- where Germany could help retrieve the sharp object from the tiny Prussian. Which of course caused him to scream and cry- which of course caused the other two to scream and cry.

"Lovely, aren't they? Keep an eye on them. I'm going to go see about reversing this spell..."

As England disappeared into his basement once more, Germany bent down to soothe the screaming children.

"You three aren't _that_ bad are you?" As if in response, Spain bit his finger, Prussia knocked him over, and France had somehow retrieved the cords from the living room.

England returned to find three bad touch toddlers curled up asleep next to a very tied up Germany. Well wasn't that something?

**((Lame ending is lame. Sorry, at some point I just forgot what I what I was going to do with this chapter, so I kind of had to reinvent it. So I hope it turned out all right, but I guess I'll leave that up to you. Again, sorry this took so long. I can have a list of excuses piled up on your desk by next Thursday if you really need it. Anyway, now that this is finally done, I can get back to... my immense amount of schoolwork... sigh ))**


End file.
